A Well Deserved Break

I haven't written in a few days and I can tell! All the frustration I have had over the last few days has eaten away at me. This is my way of venting and expressing my feelings. Well, I have learned that honestly I think I am at the point of losing any sanity that I had. I am so tired of people causing me drama and stress when I am already at the end of my rope....seems they want me to go ahead and hang myself. I have always struggled with the "hatred" that I have for my son's father and his no good wife. Honestly if he had chose to be a decent dad I wouldn't have had a problem with him. He has three other kids now and for some reason his first born he has no use for. He won't help me with Jacob and now I've learned they canceled Jake's insurance. Now my son can't even go to the doctor or get his meds. The excuse dear Rachel gave my son was that he wasn't her biological child. Well all I have to say is someday all that they have put my son through will bite them in their butts. I feel so alone sometimes especially sitting down here at night by myself. I know people have their lives to live and can't stop to come sit with me. I just have so much on my mind....my Jaylee is sick and has been for a week, my bills are piling up, I'm losing everything, I can't even be a mom to my kids right now....It's okay though...I know it will get better. I tell myself that every time I start to get down. I have to have a daily cry to release everything. Now, the good side of it all. After a month of sitting here in the hospital I finally had a few hours out. A very good friend drove down from Bowling Green. He took me to eat and then we just walked (in the rain) and talked about life. We stood and looked out over the Cumberland River and I just enjoyed the small things. The trees, the flowers, the clouds...they were so much more beautiful. God has given me a very clear look at how beautiful life can be....even in the smallest things. So smile and keep your head up no matter what.