Well friends it has been awhile!! I have been hibernating....with depression. I have had a very difficult fight over the past few weeks. I have always fought this disease but however it worsens with stress or in the winter. I have also been fighting withdrawal symptoms from stopping my Darvocets. I have been taking them for over 7 yrs now for endometriosis. My OB-gyn ordered them for me due to the severe pain. They were recently pulled from the market due to injury and death. I was hospitalized last year due to irregular heartbeat...and still being treated with meds for it. Now I learn that Darvocets cause irregular heartbeat and could well be the cause of mine. So, I'm consulting the attorney's who are covering the lawsuits. On another note...my mom is once again back in the hospital. She had a terrible infection that had set up in the bed sore on her back (thanks to select specialty hospital). She also had a UTI and dehydration. It seems I can't win for losing. I'm dealing with my 19yr. old bi polar child who is absolutely about to drive me crazy. She has moved her useless boyfriend in....and he won't work to save his life. I'm so far behind on all my bills that I feel myself sinking. I called my attorney and talked to him. Seems my only choice is to file bankruptcy...which means I lose everything that I worked so hard for. Yes, I am bitching today...sorry. I feel so lost. Kyle has held me together....not an easy chore. He has talked to me about having another baby....shew!! I don't know...I'm 37, struggling with depression, taking care of my 66yr old mom, fighting with a mentally ill child..gosh I just don't know. I guess we will see. It's raining here...has been for days and it is really starting to get to me. These days are so hard. I sit and think...and thinking is not good. I start to miss my dad and brother. The holidays are the worst. Thanksgiving really sucked! Dad and my brother gone..and my mom was in the hospital. First time in 37 yrs that I haven't spent with family at my aunts. Well, enough for today. I'm gonna try to write everyday..at least that way I can get my feelings out somehow. Peace, Love, and Daisies!!
