Well I haven't written in awhile. Just seems with moving and trying to keep up with school I haven't had time to do anything. Today is a sad day for me. It is one of those days that every year I dread to see arrive. This year it makes 22 years that my brother has been gone. I told my brother goodbye on Good Friday and we laid him to rest on Easter. March 25 of 1989 was one of the worst days of my life. My brother Chris was born September 18th 1965. My mom said she had such a strong feeling that he would never live a full life even while she was pregnant with him. He never got very sick as a child or adolescent. But, when he turned 20 he began having headaches. They became worse over a few weeks and he began having severe fatigue. I can remember the day as if it were yesterday. I was standing on the porch playing and I heard sirens. I just had such a empty sad feeling....I knew something was wrong with my brother. A few minutes later my parents received a phone call that my brother had passed out at work and was in the ER. We rushed out there and waited for hours for the results. Dr. Hall gathered my parents in the hall and began to cry. He told us that my brother had ALL which stands for acute lymphocytic leukemia. He then told us that my brother only had 3 weeks to live. I remember the color washing out of my dad's face and my mom almost falling to the ground. The next few weeks were spent in a hospital in Nashville trying to figure out what plan of action to take. Dr. Seth Cooper walked into the room and he was carrying an arm full of hope. He discussed the options available with my brother and parents. My brother began a full fledged war against this cancer. He underwent so many different treatments over the next three years. Chemo, radiation, surgeries...you name it and he tried it. He also decided to live his life to the fullest. I can guarantee you he never took a breath for granted. We took him on several vacations in between visits to the hospital. He even decided he wanted to sky dive. We spent endless hours and holidays in the hospital. He was in and out of remission so many times. One of my favorite memories in that three years was the year we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas in the hospital. On Christmas my brother and I made a tree out of construction paper and filled it with paper made ornaments. We decorated his room from top to bottom. My parents brought all of the presents to the hospital. Our church made a Christmas meal and delivered it to us. We had such a great day celebrating Christmas and celebrating my brothers life. He got a train set, remote truck, and hand puppet (yes he was 21 at the time). We set up the train set and he chased the nurses around with the truck. Not to mention the conversations we all had with the puppet. He was such a hoot and always lifted others spirit when they needed it. In those three years he was called to preach and he even got married although he couldn't have any kids. Although those years were filled with sickness and sadness they were three of the best years of my life. My family was bonded together and the love overflowed. My brother was my best friend. Growing up he helped to raise me. He taught me so much about life in the short time he was on earth. About two weeks before he died he bacame so very ill and we had to take him to Nashville. They told us there wasn't anything else to do to prolong his life. Over the next few days he called each person in our family into his room and had long heart to heart talks with them. He knew what was coming and he wanted to end it on a perfect note. I remember being upstairs in the gym taking a shower when the nurse came in and got me. She told me I needed to get downstairs quickly. I ran down to his room which was full of family, friends, and church members. I walked over to his bed where he had fallen into a coma. I sat down on the edge and laid my head on his chest. I felt him take a breath in and then that was it. The last breath came out and he was gone just like that. As quickly as he came into this world he went back out. As I raised up and looked at his face I saw such a sweet smile on his face. There was such a peace in that room. A feeling that I had never felt before or have I felt since that moment. I knew he had entered Heaven and was no longer in pain. Life would never be the same for me without my rock. I can tell you that I still think of him each day and I still hear him in the still of the night. I can hear him saying I love you sissy. Yes, I miss my brother and I would give an eternity to just be able to hug him one more time. I still shed tears and I still laugh at memories made. He was my rock and now he is my hero.
Christopher Aaron Ray 9/18/1965 to 3/25/1989 RIP
