Halloween

So Halloween 2010....a blast. I had an awesome time with my kids. Well, I guess I should say Jaylee and Kenna. Sarah and Jacob are way past the trick or treating age. I loved just getting out and walking with the kiddos and seeing the smiles on their faces. Having Kyle by my side has made things much better. Kenna is his four year old and she has stolen a big piece of my heart. She loves being here with us. Her and Jay have such a great time together. I hope Kyle is the one and I hope our lives continue to prosper. He is my rainbow after the storm!!

Happy Birthday Jay Bug

Today is my Jaylee bugs 9th birthday. She has grown up on me so very fast. She amazes me at how very smart she is.....and beautiful. She has been around my cousin so much in the past few months that she acts so much like Joy Lynn it is almost funny. She is such a drama princess. She has taught me so much about love and life. Without Jaylee I just wouldn't be the same. Jay's dad came in from Afghan to spend her birthday with her but out of the two weeks he managed to spend about 12 hours with her...wow. Yep somethings never change. He didn't even show up for her party and come to find out it was because he was ignorant and got out drunk and received a DUI. Nice way to spend your daughter's birthday huh? Well, she had a blast anyway. She had several kids over and ended up having a slumber party. My bestest Chas bought her cake....totally awesome. The only bad thing is that my mom fell in the kitchen floor and hit her head pretty hard. I feel like I am raising another child. I miss my "mom" so much. Just wish her mind would clear up. Well, that's enough for tonight. Guess I will settle in....Oh, by the way I met a wonderful guy last week. His name is Kyle and he is awesome....let's see where it goes.

Tragedy Is Just A Part Of Life

So, once again I haven't been on here like I would like to be. This is the only way I have of venting my frustrations and feelings. I am having a hard time dealing with mom. It seems like her confusion is getting worse...not better like they claimed it would. I can't get her colostomy to keep from leaking thanks to a shotty surgeon. I am planning on finding a surgeon tomorrow to see if it can be fixed. Mom decided she could walk two days ago and fell out of the bed. Made me feel like a worthless daughter. She gets so angry with me and vents on me. I am doing all I can. I get up at the crack of dawn and give her a bath, give her meds, and change all of the dressings. I get her up and take her in the living room and fix her breakfast and coffee. I have to take her to the bathroom which is a hour long chore in itself. I change that bag at least 3-4 times a day which means she gets several baths. She has decided she doesn't wanna go to bed at night so I'm not sleeping ever. I have realized how much worse my depression has gotten but I can't do anything about it. Since I lost my job I have no insurance and I can't get to the doctor. I can't leave the house because she can't be alone. Just seems my life has done a 360. I know it has to get better...it just does. It wouldn't be as hard if I had support...my support group now is Aunt Joyce, Joy, Jean (part time) and my girlfriends. I just want everyone to know depression is so real and it will eat away at you if you let me. Fight it and overcome it.