Well, this is an OLD blog that I started forever ago and for some reason just dropped it. I started The Madness Of Mommyhood and it kind of took over my world. I realized when I wrote on that one and on my facebook page, that although I have tons of information to share on the days spent being a mom, I am more than just a MOM. I am a woman full of ideas to share with the world. I am a wife, a daughter, a friend, a nurse, a student.....the list goes on. The main thing is I am an imperfect person. I have made mistakes over my lifetime that could be made into a reality show. I have learned the hard way that life just does not play by the rules we think they should. I learned that people are greedy and will take the last penny you have without a second thought. I learned that people are cruel and they will chastise you for being who you are because it is not aligned with their beliefs. I have learned that you can give of yourself and not receive anything back. You can love with all your heart and that love will not save the person from leaving. I learned so many negative things but I learned a lot of good things about this world we live in.
You can't give up hope on humanity because there are awesome people out there who do have kindness in their hearts. No, one person can't change the world alone but if that one person doesn't try to make a change then who will? I have had a lot of heartache over the past year, actually over the past several years. After my dad passed away in 2009 it seems that everything that followed was just another nail in my coffin, so to speak. I sank into a depression that destroyed my happiness. I didn't find the good in anything. I was pretty numb to everything around me. Negativity consumed me. I became someone I did not like nor did not want to be. I started The Madness on a whim. I have to say that was one of the best whims I have ever had. That silly page became my sanity.
That page led me to meet people who have touched my life and made me view life in a different view. I have met parents of children with disabilities, parents of children who have been abused, women who have been battered and raped, people who had nothing material wise but were richer than I could ever imagine being, people who have struggled with depression, suicide attempts, sickness, loss, and on and on. I have seen myself in these people. I see their hearts and how good they are inside. I met people from the LGBT community and I fell in love with their spirit and their determination to show the world they DESERVE to be with whoever it is they love. I have met Christians, Atheists, Buddhists, Agnostics, Jews, Muslims....you get the idea. These people are just that PEOPLE. They are human just like I am and they all have a right to be who they are. They all have good hearts and they love the same way I do.
Yes, I have had an eye opener this year. I have realized that I want to change the world. Huge goal, huh? Well, I may not ever accomplish that goal but on my journey I will be able to help those along the wayside. I am not anyone special but for some reason I was allowed to have my soul opened to what life is really about. I was involved in a car accident on November 23rd which I should not have survived. I will not go into details but I will say this much when you are faced with death your life does flash before your eyes. On that day I realized that I have wasted so many years on my own being. I wasn't concerned with the happiness of others so much. I didn't allow myself to be free. I nearly lost my life that day but I was also born that day. I consider it my birthday.
In 2014 I am going to give of myself and I am going to find out what I am made of. Self-discovery can be so freeing. If I could sit here today and pick the one person that I want to mirror myself after it would be the Dalai Lama. That man is the epitome of peace and happiness, of forgiveness and love, of kindness and tolerance. That is what I want to be...in a nutshell. There is no space in my heart or mind for negativity, hate, or judgment. Take what you will from this post, but please more than anything, take away the idea that there is good in all and in every day that we face. It is up to YOU to find that good. I ask that you take my hand and you accompany me on this journey. I think that even baby steps can lead to the end of a great marathon.
A special thanks to my family (hubs, mom, and kids) for loving me and allowing me to be sad when I needed to be sad and to cry when I needed to cry.
Brian thank you for coming into my life and becoming the best friend that I have ever had. Thank you for encouraging me on my down days and for pushing me to write. Thank you for being who you are and not being afraid to love and give so openly!
To all my new friends who I talk to each day and share the most intimate parts of my life with, I love you ladies! You are all so very amazing in your own ways. Thank you for being my friends!!!
Now! 2014 here WE come. We are armed and ready to take whatever you throw at us. This is going to be the year I shine.
Bex
