A Rotten Day Indeed

I am wishing that was me in the picture!!!! I have had one rotten day. It seems I have a good one and then a few bad ones. Mom has been so agitated all day and got mad at me a few times cause I couldn't get her up. She is in such pain and so miserable and it kills me to have to watch her suffer. She had a very nasty tech the last two nights....very rude!! So tonight after she decided to call me a liar about when they had gotten my mom up I decided to call the head honcho on her. I told her not to come back into my mom's room....ever! Used to I wouldn't say a word to no one and let everybody run over me....not anymore. I am so sick of people who take advantage of others and on that note let me get started on something else. My daughter picks the worst, trashiest, loser people in the world to be friends with. I have about had it with this girl and I'm about ready to take her down a notch. She has used my daughter for her check and talked Sarah into stealing money from me and my mom. She lost her son a few months ago because her house was so nasty and the way she was "living" it up. She won't get off her fat butt and work and draws off of the government. She has put such a strain on me and my daughter's relationship. I have cried all day......just seems like the world is on my shoulders. I just want to wake up sometimes and be 10 again. Where the worst thing to happen was a skinned knee. Anyway....off to spend some time with Jaylee.

The Road to Recovery

Okay...day one in Select Specialty Hospital. Last night was terrible! Poor mom didn't sleep two hours all night. She was so anxious which in turn made me anxious. Today, however, has been better. Although she is in a lot of pain we have gotten a lot done today. She has met with her social worker, doctor, nurse practitioner, PT, OT, and had a echo on her heart. They have kept her busy. She makes my heart smile. Just seeing her work so hard to raise her arm up or move her legs....things that to us would be so simple for her are a hard days work. She is still on the vent and will be for weeks. Wish we could get off of that. I had such a hard night....I cried most of it. I would stand and rub her head while I was wiping snot and tears with my other hand. I don't know...I just felt so lonely and so afraid. My mom is everything to me and I want the best for her. It hurts me to see her hurt but she has truly became my hero. She is awesome......and so is God. He has given her the will and strength to keep fighting. Well, they are fixing to get her up in a chair. Another big step.

Well after 19 days in Vandy trauma unit we are moving to Select Specialty Hospital. It's a long term hospital for patients on vents. Mom has totally amazed everyone in this hospital..she has earned the name "super woman"!! I know that it was God working through these wonderful doctors and nurses to preserve her life. She has proved those that told us she wouldn't live wrong. She had the will to fight through 10 surgeries, internal bleeding, lacerated spleen and colon, 22 broken ribs, 3 spine fractures, pelvis fracture, femur fracture, left tibia fracture, broken scapula, and a brain bleed. Her heart stopped twice....and now I know some of what she seen while she was "dead". I will share that later. It is a blessing. I just want everyone out there to know that God still makes miracles happen and he still loves his children. He will not forsake us. He has carried me on my darkest days. No matter what happens in your life.....keep your faith!!!

In My Daughters Eyes

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Don't Give Up

So in the past 18 days I have learned a lot about myself and about life. I don't claim to have it any worse than any other person in this world but times have been tough. I had to understand death at such an early age when I lost my brother and it seems since then it's been a regular thing. I have lost everyone remotely close to me. My dad's death last year just about killed me. The pain it causes your heart is unreal. I have grieved daily since. When I got the phone call about my mom I was right back at feeling hopeless. I felt like just falling apart...just giving up. I just couldn't though. I am all my mom has and I was and still am gonna make sure she is taken care of. She is gonna know I love her. I have sit in this hospital day after day......just counting the hours. I have realized how truly strong I am although I feel so weak. I may lose everything I own but in the end I will have my mom and that is all that matters. God has been good to me and my family. I can never give him enough praise for the miracle he has given to us. Count your blessings everyday. Love those that mean something to you because you never know when God is gonna call them home.

Beautiful

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies. ~Erich Fromm

You Can't Hide

Life's not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow. ~Terri Guillemets

The car

A pic of the wreckage! Mom is so lucky to be here!

Life Is A Mess

On July 10th my life changed completely. I remember the phone ringing at 1:37 pm. It was Rita Tabor from the Medical Center. I could hear the nervousness in her voice. She asked if I had anyone with me. She told me my mom had been in a car accident and was in critical condition. I needed to get there as quick as I could. I remember my heart pounding and my breath leaving me. When I got there they ushered my back to the room where she was. She didn't even look like herself. They were squeezing bags of blood into her as quickly as they could. The doctor told us that she probably wouldn't even survive the helicopter ride to Vandy but they were gonna give it a try. I told her I loved her and as I left her side I felt my world fall completely apart. I watched as the helicopter lifted off the ground and took off with my mom fighting for her life. When I got to Vandy they told me they had already removed her spleen and were trying to get her internal bleeding stopped. We learned she had 20 broken ribs, a broken pelvis, broken left tibia, broken scapula and arm, both lungs punctured, and three breaks in her spine. They told us she wouldn't make it through the night. I didn't believe them....I knew they weren't the decider of when her life was over. The next morning they had already given her 60 units of blood. She was still fighting.....I still had hope. I talked to her every chance I got and I prayed that God give her strength and the will to live. More surgery...actually about several more. They had to open her stomach back up that day and remove a portion of her colon due to a perforation. She also had a trach placed. Days went by and she continued to get stronger. The internal bleeding finally stopped and they felt she was strong enough to endure hip surgery. They place a rod and plate in her right pelvis and thigh. She came through with flying colors. In the next few days she began to be more alert and even attempted to talk. We found out she had a small brain bleed but nothing major. Days went by so slowly....no sleep and nothing but worries. But, I know God has been carrying me and her both. Today is July 25th and it's day 16 in the hospital. She had to have two more units of blood last night due to her blood pressure dropping. She has pneumonia and mold in her lungs so we are fighting that. However, she is very alert and trying her best to talk to us. She is making her nurses smile. The doctors here are amazed at how strong she is. We plan on surgery in the morning to fix her left tibia. Hopefully with God's grace we will get to move to a rehab hospital later in the week. That way I can stay in the room with her. This has woken me up.....shaken up my world. I always loved my mom but I took for granted that she would always be there. I didn't spend the time I needed to with her. I put work first and that is wrong. I no longer have a job because my boss is a very greedy and unfeeling person. But, I am where I need to be and I am gonna make sure my mom comes home with me. She is my heart and soul. I thank God everyday for sparing her life and giving me a second chance to be the daughter I need to be!!! I will post each day about her recovery!!

My Parents

Seeing this photo made me think of my mom and dad. They were together since being teenagers. I think this year would have been their 50th anniversary. My dad passed on last yr. after several heart attacks and poor health. I watched my mom sit by his side and take care of him for so many years. They were two peas in a pod. I may never experience that "true love" but just having witnessed it through them makes me smile every day. I miss my daddy everyday and I know it kills my mom's soul to have to make this journey by herself now. Life is just so sad sometimes.

Strong

I just had to take a few minutes to thank God for the miracles he gives me. My mom has been very sick for awhile. She was admitted to the hospital last week. They ran test after test on her. They told us she has fluid and swelling on her brain. That had been causing her mental change and forgetfullness. She had not been herself in months. He told mom it didn't look good. Well she just called me and said the doctor had come in with tears in his eyes and told her he didn't understand how it had happened so quickly but her brain was back to normal and all the fluid was gone. She is now at home...weak but recovering. I am so thankful for the blessings God gives us.

Its Okay

It’s okay. It’s okay to want someone you can’t have. It’s okay to want something more. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt, and it’s okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. Believe it or not, it’s always going to be okay. That’s just how it works. Sometimes things don’t work out how you want them to, and most of the time, it seems like they never will. But eventually, everything is going to iron out some way or another. You just have to believe, keep your faith, and move on.