Falling To My Knees

I feel like I'm falling apart...at the end of my rope. I'm hanging by a thread and ready to just let go. I have tried so hard to stay strong through this. I have smiled when all I wanted to do was cry. When I did cry I locked myself in the bathroom so no one would see. All I hear is "you gotta be strong". Well, for once in my life I am tired of being strong. I don't want to HAVE to be strong my entire life. Why can't it just be simple. Why is it that when it rains it pours?? I have been here a month and a half. I am tired and no one seems to really give a flip. I have sat here night and day and I'm totally exhausted. I feel like I have lost what sanity I had left. I completely exploded on the staff here yesterday. Honestly I had every right. I mean they are getting paid to take care of my mom but who is having to do it all???? Well the answer would be me. Now she is to the point that she won't eat anything and they can't keep her off of the vent. It's like she is giving up and therefore I am getting ticked off and more upset because I have given up my life to help her and now she won't help herself. What am I supposed to do? Just keep smiling and pretending I am super girl? I"M NOT! And, as if I don't have enough to deal with here I have people giving me crap back home. I am so frustrated and ready to run away. I am sorry I sound so crappy today but hey....we can't control our emotions sometimes. I just need a little prayer and help!