I haven't blogged in days...I really haven't had the time or been the least bit inspired to do so. My days are all running together now. My mom is completely off of the vent which is a blessing. However, she is talking now and I am seeing that there is damage to her brain which is causing memory loss and confusion. It is so sad to have to tell her 3 and 4 times a day that daddy is gone. I have to remind her she hasn't worked in years and that her mom passed away years ago. She is so pitiful. I am so exhausted and I don't have too many people I can depend on. I have learned so much about people during this tragedy. I have learned that you have to fully rely on yourself and not to depend on anyone else. I have lost my job, not seen my kids in two months, fallen behind on all of my bills, and most of all I have "lost" who my mom was. I miss her. I can't get her to eat so they have replaced her feeding tube. I see her just withering away daily. I tell myself everyday that God didn't bring us this far to just abandon us. I don't know....maybe my faith is being tried. I just feel so alone. No one to talk to and share my feelings. Not saying I haven't had any help because I have. If it wasn't for my cousin Joy...then Jaylee would be lost. She is taking such good care of her. My aunt Joyce has pulled for me every step of the way....and I have had people that you would least expect to send me money to help out. It's those that I thought would stand by me that hasn't that has broken my heart. Well that's what life is about...it's all a learning experience. I have made myself a promise through this...I will be a better person and I will try to help others when they are in need. I will make it through this by the grace of God and the help that those who truly love us are willing to give.
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