It Won't Go Away

I have become best friends with my toilet bowl here lately!! I love to hug it several times a day. NOT REALLY...but the nausea and vomiting is really getting the best of me. Just why do they call it "morning" sickness when it hits at all times through out the day??? I have already started the old craving thing and my belly is already protruding out of my pants. I feel like I'm at least 5 or 6 months along. I wish I was. I hope this moves along quite quickly. I have my first appointment with Dr. Gass tomorrow and also an ultra sound. I am so excited to see my lil punkin. I'll post a pic as soon as I can. I just hope all is well and the baby is healthy. I've read so many articles online about pregnancy and birth. It's been 9yrs since I experience it and I worry about everything. My age is my main concern. I feel like I am too old to be attempting this but it's what we wanted and we got it. I guess I will put on my big girl panties and deal with it. Goodnight everyone. Peace, Love, and Daisies my friends.

Let It Snow

Its absolutely beautiful outside today. It's snowing although it isn't really sticking. I wish it would snow a foot. It's been a near perfect day...notice the "near". I love lazy days so much. However I am starving!!! This baby is taking everything I have. All I wanna do is sleep, eat, and pee. Forgot how it was to be with child. I'm watching my Steelers play today and they are winning!! Yay! I'm gonna make sure my punkin is a Pittsburgh fan. I've tried to talk Kyle into moving to Pittsburgh but no luck so far. That's okay though...as long as Kyle and my kids are by my side I will be fine. Well, just wanted to post a little bit today. Guess I will get back to my football.

rainy days

Don't you love these rainy days? I love rain when I can just stay home and lay on the couch being lazy. It's almost a complete feeling of peace right now. I'm in my p.j's on the couch watching tv. The rain is falling at a steady pace and it's just cold enough that my heated blanket feels perfect. The Christmas tree lights are sparkling and the smell of sweet vanilla feels the room. It is so quiet...Kyle is gone to pick up Kenna, the kids are in their rooms playing, mom is napping, and I am but for five minutes...in HEAVEN. Why can't there be more time like this??? Well, my tummy is growing quite quickly!! Lisa (at the dr.) told me since this is my fourth pregnancy that I will show quicker. I am!!! I can literally feel my tummy stretching. I couldn't sleep at all last night because my back was hurting so badly. I have heartburn non stop. I just wonder how the next 8months is gonna be. I am literally a nervous wreck thinking about labor!!! Kyle told his mom today about the baby...I was so worried how she would take it but he said she wasn't mad at all. Shew....relief. Now...to decide if and when to tell my mother. She has never understood me or how I live. She is very judgemental of me. I am 37 and still afraid of what she thinks. Kinda sad I know. Maybe closer to time I will tell her. Oh me..well I guess it is time for a nap. Perfect timing.

Ready for the Journey

Well last night was horrible!! I had nausea all evening and was so sleepy I couldn't hold my eyes open. I felt terrible. I sure hope the whole nine months aren't gonna be like this. I have an appointment tomorrow at the Health Dept. to get my due date. I'm thinking around August...which sounds SO FAR AWAY!! Kyle is being wonderful. He is so happy. He is treating me like a baby. Couldn't ask for a better man. I just hope we can manage to find him a good job and make ends meet. The money thing is my main concern. I don't doubt his daddy skills at all. On another note...my mom is much better. I would say at least 75% and she is back to being as hateful as she can be. The last three days I have wanted to pull my hair out. I hate to say it but I will be so glad to find her an apartment and get my life back to some normalcy. Only a few weeks til Christmas....I haven't bought anything. I really haven't had the money too. I need to get me another job and get back to the real world. Well, hope you all have a great day!! Peace, Love, and Daisies!!!

New Baby :0)

Well, I took a home pregnancy test yesterday and it was positive! Guess Kyle and I are gonna be parents....again. I'm so nervous about it because of my age and the fact that we will be the "brady bunch". Scares the crap outta me. Kyle has been so happy and is already planning on building on to the house or moving. I suppose the blog from now on will cover my pregnancy and birth. I'm guessing the baby will be due in August. I hope I can do this, lol....guess it's too late to think I can't.

Depression

Well friends it has been awhile!! I have been hibernating....with depression. I have had a very difficult fight over the past few weeks. I have always fought this disease but however it worsens with stress or in the winter. I have also been fighting withdrawal symptoms from stopping my Darvocets. I have been taking them for over 7 yrs now for endometriosis. My OB-gyn ordered them for me due to the severe pain. They were recently pulled from the market due to injury and death. I was hospitalized last year due to irregular heartbeat...and still being treated with meds for it. Now I learn that Darvocets cause irregular heartbeat and could well be the cause of mine. So, I'm consulting the attorney's who are covering the lawsuits. On another note...my mom is once again back in the hospital. She had a terrible infection that had set up in the bed sore on her back (thanks to select specialty hospital). She also had a UTI and dehydration. It seems I can't win for losing. I'm dealing with my 19yr. old bi polar child who is absolutely about to drive me crazy. She has moved her useless boyfriend in....and he won't work to save his life. I'm so far behind on all my bills that I feel myself sinking. I called my attorney and talked to him. Seems my only choice is to file bankruptcy...which means I lose everything that I worked so hard for. Yes, I am bitching today...sorry. I feel so lost. Kyle has held me together....not an easy chore. He has talked to me about having another baby....shew!! I don't know...I'm 37, struggling with depression, taking care of my 66yr old mom, fighting with a mentally ill child..gosh I just don't know. I guess we will see. It's raining here...has been for days and it is really starting to get to me. These days are so hard. I sit and think...and thinking is not good. I start to miss my dad and brother. The holidays are the worst. Thanksgiving really sucked! Dad and my brother gone..and my mom was in the hospital. First time in 37 yrs that I haven't spent with family at my aunts. Well, enough for today. I'm gonna try to write everyday..at least that way I can get my feelings out somehow. Peace, Love, and Daisies!!

I love you

I feel like life is starting over yet again. I hope this time it is the right one...I wasn't looking for him when he found me so that's a sign. He told me he loves me and I honestly feel it when he touches me or when I look in his eyes. He is such an awesome guy with a huge heart. He has moved in with me which is a big step that kinda just happened. Mom is coming home tomorrow from the hospital. I hope between all the kids and taking care of her that we still have time for each other. I do love him....I knew it the first week. The first night we spent together he held me and let me cry on his shoulder...in my pj's with no makeup! I was a total hot mess. I was having a melt down and he still told me how beautiful I was and how everything would be okay. He's awesome....and he's mine. Maybe just maybe my life is gonna start looking up for once. Well, goodnight dear friends....I need my beauty sleep!!!